


It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

by grandlarseny



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: F/M, Unwrapping that Xmas baggage!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-29
Updated: 2017-12-29
Packaged: 2019-02-23 09:24:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,853
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13187136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/grandlarseny/pseuds/grandlarseny
Summary: Hilde hates Christmas.





	It's The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the Gundam Wing Secret Santa Exchange for sweethoneysempai! I'm so sorry it's late and sorry it's so. very. Christmas. I literally tried stuff every Christmas trope I could in there! I don't know if it's good, but I hope it's at least entertaining!

Hilde knew it was going to be another terrible holiday even before Duo shoved the print outs under her nose as she hunched over a busted comm screen, disassembled and strewn across her work bench. Too much work, too many sad memories- and Duo had been around for a while, which only meant he was getting ready to dissappear again. Which is why this was so surprising.

She jerked back from the sudden intrusion on her personal space as the papers rustled in front of her face, dropping her screwdriver with a yelp.

A glance behind her confirmed the identity of the intruder, complete with his sheepish grin.

"Sorry, babe. Didn't mean to startle you."

Hilde smiled slyly. "You're lucky it wasn't my soldering iron." She turned her attention back to the papers under her nose. "What's this?"

Duo's grin became a lot less sheepish and a lot more shit-eating. "Merry Christmas!"

Hilde groaned and snatched the papers from his hands, keeping her back to him as she begun to review the mischief he had gotten them into. "Duo, you KNOW I hate-" her sentence abruptly dropped off as she actually read the text on the page.

Shuttle tickets. To earth. For Christmas.

Her hands fisted on the papers as she stared, frozen.

He must have taken her silence to be a positive indicator, because he started talking animatedly. "I know what you're thinking - how could I afford this? But that's the beauty of it- I didn't! Preventor wanted me down there for a job and I talked them into comping your ticket too! I know you've never been to Earth and I know I have to work but-"

"I'm not going." She didn't turn to watch his face fall and shutter closed as she cut him off.

"But, babe. It's so beautiful down there, and you've been working so hard and..."

She swung around in her chair to face him, her face set. She wasn't prepared for his proximity- his face close to hers from his position leaning over her chair. She swallowed as she saw the expression in his eyes- guarded, wary. It disarmed a little bit of the anger welling inside her, bringing her back to a level of mere irritation. She ignored her impulse to stare at him, no matter how tempted she was.

"I'm sorry, Duo, but... I'm not thrilled to visit the place that caused the suffering of everyone I've ever known- the place that lied to me and pulled me into their war under false pretenses." Her face softened slightly as a memory surfaced. "As far as I'm concerned, the only good thing Earth ever did for me was letting me meet you- and they didn't exactly make _your_ life easy."

She could have sworn he was going to respond with something sweet- she saw warmth come back into his face- but at the mention of his own relationship with their mother planet his expression became distant again, and he put an amount of space between them that Hilde would dare call an overreaction.

She didn't know why it hurt so much- it was always like this. One step forward, two steps back could describe the sum total of their personal history.

"You don't get it. Neither did I, until I went there myself." His tone was imploring but Hilde balked at the condescending implication.

"Well, not all of us were fortunate enough to be tapped for a secret guerilla unit." Her sarcasm saturated every syllable. "But you're right, I'm sure it's lovely - all those former Alliance and Oz soldiers who would have pointed a gun at me as soon as help me out. All the fresh air I have to pay what I make in six months to have the privilege to breath. I can't _wait_ to spend the worst holiday there is with a population of aristocratic tyrants who solved their problems by jettisoning the undesirables into space!"

He glanced back at her sharply at this and Hilde felt a stab of guilt. They had both grown up on the L2 cluster, but Duo was from the poorest, most war torn quadrant- a place no one visited or opened businesses in, where crime and poverty and substance abuse permeated every aspect of daily life. Of the two of them, the comment was bound to hit him harder- it was something he'd probably heard in one capacity or another for the whole of his life. Immediately, Hilde regretted her biting words. She felt her heart ache for him. It was easy to forgot how much hardship had shaped his life.

A grin spread over Duo's face again, but this time it was thin and forced. It made her feel even worse.

"OK, Hilde." He replied, tone deliberately light and even. "A sweater it is then."

If it was any other time except Christmas, she might be grateful for the olive branch. She knew she could be intense, and opinionated. It had alienated others before. She should feel grateful Duo took that in stride. But instead of the connection that usually came from burying a hatchet, she instead felt isolated by his dismissal- like he was somehow denying their shared truths; like he wasn't willing to stick it out through the tough shit. That struck her as a load of bull, because if you could pilot a Gundam, you could handle a tense discussion.

"Keep it for your trip. I hear the weather on Earth is pretty unpredictable. "

With that parting remark, she shoved herself away from the table and out of the side door of the shop.

* * *

  
Hilde returned an hour later after a long walk, ready to make peace on her own terms, but Duo was nowhere to be found. She decided he must have headed home and gathered her coat and purse to do the same, irritated he had left without her- leaving the lights on and the shop unlocked. Undoubtedly he just wanted to ensure she wasn't locked out, but it still seemed like some form of petty slight. It may be a junkyard, but there was still some value in their inventory.

It was a short walk back to her tiny home, and she fished her keys out while she checked for signs of Duo. With a familiar ache settling in her chest, she noted that his motorcycle was gone as she pushed the door open and walked into the threshold. A quick peek in the small room he stayed in off of the kitchen (a converted pantry, actually) revealed that his essential clothing was still there- so he hadn't vacated for a long period of time at least.

Still, the absence stirred the silt of bad memories, and Hilde moved around in a fog the rest of the evening, trying to push them back down, and failing. When the clock struck three am, she gave up waiting for Duo and went to bed, grateful for the release of sleep.

* * *

 

_Dec 23rd_

Duo wasn't there the next morning. Now worry began to seize Hilde. What if he really had left? He'd left clothes behind before- but never quite so many of them. She checked her comm screen for any missed messages, but there were none. The contents of the fridge and the clutter of the kitchen was undisturbed from the previous evening. He hadn't come home late and left early again. She worried her lip - could he be in trouble?

The idea was laughable, but... things can happen to people. The day wore on and so did all the possible troubles Duo could have run into. She didn't even know where she would begin to look for Duo, or if she could report him missing when he didn't have a valid citizen ID. Preventor was expecting him in 36 hours- would they help in the search for him?

It was while she was entertaining informing them that she heard Duo's bike pull into the garage. Relief quickly doused her panic, and she expected anger to quickly follow but - it didnt. Instead, she felt tired, wrung out - grateful she wouldn't have to contemplate a missing persons report or process another abandonment while Christmas loomed over her head.

He stumbled into the kitchen, clearly tipsy but not wasted. At least, not anymore. He had dark bags under his eyes and he was in the same clothes from yesterday- his long braid disheveled and limp.

He had the decency to look surprised when he saw her. "Yo! What are you doing up so late?"

Ok, so maybe she was a little angry.

"Duo. It's 5pm- Saturday evening."

His look of pure shock didn't seem false. He shoved his hand through his hair and she could see the little rats nest that had accumulated at the base of his neck- he had obviously been indulging in the nervous gesture quite bit over the last 24 hours.

"Maaaaan, how long was I in that damn casino??" he muttered, mainly to himself.

"The casino, Duo!? Seriously!?" Hilde grabbed his wrist and squeezed. "Please tell me you didn't -"

"I didn't touch any of the businesses' funds!" He defended, yanking his wrist back, scorn dripping from his sentence. "I made a promise- you know I never tell a lie!"

Hilde snorted, still watching him with suspicion, and he sighed deeply, reaching into his leather motorcycle jacket. Out came a credit card, the kind they issue for winnings at The Grand Game- Duo's favored gambling spot. He tossed it onto the kitchen table without ceremony.

Hilde picked up the card and clicked the button at the top. A number with multiple zeros flashed on the display screen and she dropped it in surprise.

"Ten thousand credits." Duo replied, disaffected. "I thought... after our last conversation... maybe I should get current with my rent... "

Hilde clenched a hand over her heart. They had never discussed rent, and even if they had, it was an outrageous sum of money. Was he suggesting what she thought he was? "Duo, what are you saying? I don't want this money from you! The last thing I need is you getting locked up for card counting!"

He looked taken aback, then laughed without any humor, shaking his head. "What do you need then, Hilde?? Cause I don't know."

Hilde grabbed his wrist steered a reluctant Duo to face her. She gathered her courage- if he was going to cut ties, she didn't have anything to lose, right? "I just need you, Duo. I just need you to not to disappear on me. I need to know... how you feel." She searched his face, despite her pounding heart and closed throat. "What is this?"

She saw dread leak into his expression and his posture go defensive-  "I don't know what you're talking about." He replied anxiously.

Hilde's smile was sharp. "No? You think I let every guy I met in the war stay with me? Do you treat other women like me? Do you go everywhere together with them? Do you think it's normal for me to put interested guys to the side for you? When we haven't even shared so much as a kiss?"

Duo abruptly retreated to the other side of the kitchen, putting the table between them - as if she could pose any real threat to him. Hilde swallowed around the lump in her throat miserably- she would persist, despite the conversations' southward bearing.

"Do you not like girls?" She asked, quietly, after a pregnant pause.

"That's not it." Duo replied, looking small to her for the first time she could remember.

"Ah, ok." She tried to laugh, to lighten the mood, but she choked on it instead. Duo looked about as heartbroken as she felt. "So... is it me, then?"

He stared at her silently and helplessly. He dropped his head and groaned. "Hilde, it's complicated."

She'd hate herself later, but for the moment, she couldn't help it- she started crying. "It's _not_ complicated, Duo." She sobbed. "I love you, do you love me? Why can't you just give me a straight answer? Stop avoiding this!"  
  
She was folded into a fierce hug. She hadn't even seen Duo move- she had been too busy swiping at her face. She wanted to resent the embrace, but the truth is, she was desperate- for comfort, reassurance. She knew this wasn't that, but she'd let herself pretend that's why he was hugging her anyway - she didn't want to admit it felt like goodbye.

"Hilde..." His voice was almost a whisper as he brought one of his arms up her back to clutch the hair at the nape of her neck. She barely registered the change in his intent before his mouth was insistently pressed to hers, intense and seeking.

It should have been terrible- she was upset, her face damp and snotty, and he hadn't brushed his teeth since yesterday morning. But it wasn't terrible at all- it was thrilling and hungry and completely confusing. At first, she thought he intiated the kiss out of pity, but as it escalated, it became obvious that Duo's interest was genuine. He clutched her small frame close, pressing her body tightly to his own, shuddering in pleasure when Hilde dared to stroke his tongue with hers. His fingers tracked the lines of her silhouette, and every pass of their mouths lit a fire in her. She felt a deep, impatient need in him, one she couldn't believe she hadn't seen or experienced before. If he could kiss her like this, when he had been putting a rooms' length of distance between them the previous day- well, what else could he be hiding from her?

He broke away without warning, and suddenly she was an arms length away from him as she watched his chest heave with the force of his breathing. She dragged her gaze up to his to find he had been staring at her all along, eyes focused and predatory. She brought her fingertips up her lips in a daze and he watched her touch them before turning his head to the side on a groan.

"Duo?" She asked quietly, still not quite sure why he kissed her _now_ \- five years into an otherwise platonic friendship and in the middle of a heated argument. 

He exhaled slowly, breath still slightly shuddering. "You... have no idea how long I've wanted to do that."

Hilde worried the hem of her shirt with her fingernails. His words sent a shaft of longing through her. "H-how long?

He sighed deeply, still not meeting her eyes. "Since the day you handed me an OZ recruitment application and I noticed you had a phenomenal rear end."

She blushed. The first time they met. Hilde was stunned.

  
"Why didn't you say something?"

Duo withdrew from her, taking a deliberate step back. He finally turned his gaze to hers- but it wasn't banked passion she saw in them now. "You were... a mistake. I was Gundam pilot- I had no business talking to you, or giving you a chance to pick me out of a crowd. It put my life in danger, and yours. I... I never should have showed up in your life again- especially after the moon base. I shouldn't have kept coming around after the war. Don't you get it? I'm not good for you, Hilde."

"Duo!" Hilde was furious and devastated simultaneously. She couldn't _believe_ this man. "That's not true!"

Duo let out a derisive laugh. "Actually, that's more true than you even know. People who care about me... they don't fare so well. I don't know if it's punishment for everything I've done but..."

"Duo, things don't work like that." Hilde interjected, alarm leaking into her tone. "Life isn't some kind of abacus where they balance bad deeds with bad luck." She tried to reach out to him, but Duo retreated further.

"But maybe death is. Do you believe in God, Hilde?" He asked.

Hilde pulled up short. "No." She said matter of factly. "I can't say I do."

"I do." Duo replied, a mournful tone in his voice. "Except, I believe in the only God I've ever found evidence for."

"Shinigami." Hilde whispered, tears pricking her eyes in belated understanding.

He gave her a sad half smile. "When I leave for Earth... I'm not coming back. Okay? It's best this way."

A sob tore from her throat, unbidden. She squeezed her eyes shut against Duo's painful words. Duo Maxwell may run and hide, but he never told a lie.

"I'm sorry, Hilde." She felt him lean down and kiss her cheek, face lingering near hers. His touched ghosted over her clenched fist. "Thanks for loving me."

She heard the bathroom door slam shut and the shower turn on. She got up in the silence of the kitchen and climbed the stairs to her bed, completely numb and spent.

* * *

Through the window in her small room, multicolored lights spilled over her bed, emitted from the yard across the street - clear enthusiasts of the American holiday traditions, like most people on the colony.

It was nothing like the Christmases she had experienced growing up in Little Germany on L2. She had followed the traditions of her grandmother's homeland- a boot at the door, dinner by the light of a Christmas tree... all of that changed when her father was arrested for conspiracy against the Alliance military. 

Suddenly, her mom was a single parent. Hilde had an older brother, Franz, by two years, and he tried to help, but the burden was heavy. Her mother had been in the process of leaving them for over a year, Hilde would understand later, first through the multiple jobs, then the drinking, followed by unexplained intermittent absences. She didn't come home for days sometimes, and then eventually, not at all. Her brother was forced to pick through the trash for food for them, finding scraps they had to subsist on for weeks after her mother disappeared. There was no point begging - no one had enough in her community.

She told herself stories- her mom had gone on a secret mission to bail her father out, she was waiting to surprise them with an armful of groceries and presents, she was searching for a hidden treasure to save their family. One day her brother went out to dumpster dive in the nicer districts and never came back. Hilde waited and waited, worry and hunger gnawing at her insides. She eventually fell asleep underneath the worn plastic Christmas tree she had dragged up from the basement for the holiday- she had plugged it in, but no lights came on, their electricity having been shut off a week and a half ago. She was scared, starving and alone. She prayed her mother and brother would come find her. She woke on Christmas morning to a cold, empty house, and she knew her family was gone forever. Hilde grew up that day at the ripe age of eight.

Later she would learn Franz had been picked up and put in the foster system the day he went out- after that, she couldn't find any info on him, and she figured his name must have been changed and she hopes this meant adoption.

Her father died only two years into his sentence on a penal colony, mining ore- the result of a scrap with another inmate. She honestly couldn't remember much about him. His death predated her mother's disappearance by only a few weeks- Hilde figured this had to be a major component of what led to her abandonment.

Her mother was last seen negotiating passage on an intercolonial freighter just a week before Christmas. She had been on-colony while her children quietly went cold and hungry, holed up in a shabby house she would never return to. Hilde stopped looking for her mother after that- she may be alive somewhere, living out her days, but she was as good as dead to her daughter.

She wouldn't sleep through it this time- lying awake, on top of her covers, she listened to the shower run until it shut off, the door of the bathroom open and close, the shuffling of Duo''s dressing in his cramped room- the room he was giving back in no uncertain terms. She heard him shoving clothes into his worn knapsack, and his rustling through the kitchen cabinets. There was grief in every moment of his preparation, every sound overlaid on past heartache. When she heard the motor of his bike start, she bit her fist and cried until sleep came.

* * *

_Christmas Eve_

The next morning, Christmas Eve, she was a ghost of Christmas past, haunting the rooms of her house in gloomy, shuffling steps. Frustrated, she donned her jacket and walked over to the shop - determined to at least get something productive accomplished so she would hopefully feel a little less shitty.

Walking into the workshop sent a pang of regret through her. If only she could have accepted the tickets. If only she hadn't cut Duo down so he could do it in turn.

She sat down on her chair with a groan, dragging her weary gaze to the disassembled comm screen- and instead saw a small origami box, tied up with some rubber wire casing to make a present nestled in the circuit boards.

Even after she stormed out, he had folded this to leave for her- she had missed it when she had returned that day. She untied the ribbon and unfolded the printout for the shuttle tickets, only this time her eye caught a note that hadn't been there before. She scanned it, tears gathering in her eyes.

_Hilde,_  
_I'm sorry if I hurt you with my gift. The truth is, I don't know how to do this- I'm not sure what a normal Christmas is supposed to be like. Our time together is more than I thought I'd have, after the war- I hope I never make you doubt that. I left this, in case you reconsider._

_-Duo_

She stared at the message. They were idiots, the both of them. Sure, they had their problems- but everyone did. What really mattered, Hilde thought, was that they tried their best despite that.

She realized she had been pushing him away- fear of another abandonment leading her to make the person closest to her believe he wasn't the best thing she had in her life. She was scared to lose him, but hadnt that already happened? She pulled out her cell phone, and dialed his number with shake fingers. It went straight to voicemail, which meant he was either ignoring her call, or he was in transit.

The automated greeting prompted her to leave a message followed by a shrill beep.

Hilde clutched the phone to her ear, the expectant silence of the voicemail ringing in her ears. She had to say something... anything...

"Duo." She choked on his name. "I know what you said. But... I've never had a normal Christmas either. It's... the anniversary of the day I realized my family had abandoned me and... I've always been afraid if I let myself trust somebody again, they'd leave me too. But... I think I could learn to trust you, if you're not done with me. Please don't be done with me- because the truth is, I didn't have anything good in my life until you walked into it. We can't live our lives missing out on the best parts because we're afraid they might be gone one day." She sniffled a little. "So... call me back."

She hung up lamely, and picked up the ticket again. She stared at it for what felt like hours. A plan began to slowly foment. It felt crazy but... she had to show Duo she was serious about trying.

Grabbing the printout and her jacket, she ran all the way back her house, stopping only to retrieve her purse and call a taxi to the spaceport.

* * *

 

_Christmas Day_

Hilde had meant to stay awake to watch the Earthrise, but with the traumas of the previous evening and the stress of arguing with the ticket attendants and braving the holiday spaceport crowds, she fell into an exhausted doze and didn't wake until the shuttle was docking.

The first thing that struck her she deboarded the spacecraft in Brussels was that for the first time, she couldn't see the colony curve out of the windows- only a horizon that seemed to go on forever, even with the city buildings obscuring it. She picked her way through the shuffling masses of people until she found a transport hub- a few questions to the transit representative and she was on the underground to downtown Brussels. Her stop put her less than a mile away from Preventer headquarters- that's where she decided to go looking for Duo first.

Looking around her, she noticed all the native Earthers dressed in heavier fabrics and as she exited the doors at her stop, it became clear why- it was freezing, cold in a way she only associate with vacuum of space. Shivering and huddling her shoulders, she walked up the steps from the underground station and emerged into daylight and...

Wonderland.

All around her, everything was blanketed in white. The bustling sounds of the city were soft and muted, a hush that was punctuated by crunching boots and the soft tinkling of fat snowflakes, falling lazily from the sky to coat the earth in a soft looking, pristine frosting. They rained from the sky by the millions, ceaselessly.

Hide had never seen anything so amazing in her life.

Just then, her phone chimed with a notification. Reviewing her screen, she realized it was a missed call- from Duo! Scrambling with her phone buttons and wiping melted snow from her device, she managed to get it to dial- she must not have had reception underground!

It rang once before Duo picked up, voice breathless and vulnerable on the other end, like he had been rushing. "Hilde! I got your message! I am so sorry, babe. I'm sorry for what I said and did. I didn't know, I just thought you had had it with me, and I couldn't blame you-"

Hilde had never known such stark relief. She was laughing and crying at the same time and it felt so amazing and raw. "No Duo, I'm sorry. I should have told you. I don't know why I thought you wouldn't understand."

"It's hard though. To tell people about the ugly parts of your life." He replied, and in the spaces between the words, Hilde sensed stories that she hadn't heard yet- but that she might, one day.

"Yes." She said simply, giving him the space he had nonverbally asked for.

They were quiet for a moment, but it didn't feel bad- it felt like reaching an understanding.

When Duo spoke again, his voice was thick with emotion. "Where are you, Hilde? I want a Christmas kiss." She could hear the grin in his voice.

How had he known she'd come to Earth? Maybe they notified him that she'd used the ticket.

"Well, actually... I'm right outside of Preventer Headquarters!" She exclaimed, hoping that if her surprise trip to Earth was blown he would at least be gratified she was so close by.

"Wait, what? You... you're on Earth!?" Duo shouted..

Hilde winced and held the phone a little farther away from her ear. "Yeah, I wanted to surprise you. Where are you? I'll come meet you."

At this, Duo started laughing hysterically, and Hilde found herself more and more confused by his reaction. "Duo?" She asked, her query clear in her tone.

"Hilde." He chuckled breathlessly, "I'm on L2. At the house."

" _What_!" It was Hilde's turn to raise her voice. Her heart was in her throat. "You... you came back?"

"I caught the first shuttle to the colony once I heard your message. I couldn't just leave you here by yourself after that."

Hilde unexpectedly choked up at that.

"We're a bunch of idiots." She laughed, shaking her head.

Duo sighed deeply on the other end. "Yeah, you wouldn't be the first to make that claim."

"Hey Duo?"

"Yeah?"

"It's snowing here."

She could hear him smile.

"I wish I could be there to watch it with you."

"I've never seen anything like it." She whispered, surprised to find she absolutely meant it. "You were right- it's so beautiful here."

The air was impossibly crisp and clean, the faintest hint of woodsmoke in the air. The blanket of snow made everything look sparkling and new- like a fresh start, the beginning of possibilities.

"Hilde... I love you. Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, Duo. I love you too."

* * *

_Omake - 5 mins later_

 

"But seriously, I hope you had a hotel booked or something, because I'm freezing."

"Yeeeeah, about that. I did but..."

"BUT????"

"It's under um... Hilde Maxwell."

"Explain."

"So you know, Preventer only comps travel for family members soooo... I told them a little fib about our um.... arrangement."

"Duo."

"I'd really appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone we aren't married."

"....idiot."

* * *

  
  


 


End file.
